Becoming a Naturalized Texan (Tyler Wasn’t Born Here, But He Got Here As Fast As He Could)

It’s been a year and a half since Tyler Seguin came to Dallas to save our ailing offense. As a transplanted Texan my ownself, I’ve given a lot of thought to assimilating to the culture down here. Texas is definitely its own land. What truly makes someone a Texan? Is it correctly incorporating the word y’all into a sentence? Wearing your barn boots to a Wal-mart? Having your own regular order at Whataburger?

Tyler Seguin has had some hits and misses in his first years in Texas, so let’s take a closer look each of those, shall we?

 

Hits:

  1. Tyler purchased Mike Modano’s sprawling house north of downtown [thanks to jehnt for the fact check]. Nothing says Texan like paying Dallas property taxes. [1]
  2. When Tyler first moved to Dallas, he lived in a furnished apartment in the same building as Jamie Benn. What did his apartment come furnished with? This deer head. While the deer head itself doesn’t make him Texan (since it came with the apartment, he can’t really take credit) but he has told a story about chasing his dog around the apartment with the deer head, and that’s pretty freakin’ Texan of him. 
  3. While still in Boston, Tyler became friends with a lot of the young guys on the Patriots. No word on what they think of this photo: but we’re pretty amused by it. 

    He’s said he’s a fair weather Cowboys fan, and continues to be a Pats fan, so this could almost go in the miss column. We’ll keep it here for now.

  4. Story about Merrin time: I lived with a friend for the past year in the spare bedroom of her dad’s house. When I moved out, he gave me a hug and said “should the apocalypse come, you can always come back. We’ve got guns and we’re ready.” True story, y’all, this man is kinda amazing. I’m not saying Tyler’s quite there yet, but he does apparently know how to handle a rifle. 
  5. Okay, so he doesn’t own a cowboy hat, but we have proof positive that he looks pretty good in one. (Though, if you’re inclined in the Seguin direction, he pretty much looks good in a sack cloth, so this isn’t really much of a point.) [2]tyler-seguin
  6. In the season end scrum last year, Tyler self reported that he’s incorporated “y’all” and “fixin’ to” into his vocabulary. This is almost in the “unsure of” column, but we’ll give Tyler the benefit of the doubt until we get proof otherwise. [3]

 

Misses:

  1. His jeep. Sure it’s oversized and that’s pretty Texas of him, but it’s no pickup. It’s not even a “Texas Edition” of a vehicle. Be better, Tyler. 

    Thanks @starwoodmotors @liftedoffroadproducts for the new custom jeep!!

    A post shared by Tyler Seguin (@tseguin92) on

  2. The dip cheese incident. Oh Tyler, you sweet summer child.  
    gif source: bennyandthestars
  3. While he looks excellent in a cowboy hat (see the hits list), thus far we’ve seen no evidence that he’s purchased his own cowboy hat. He also doesn’t seem to own a pair of cowboy boots.
  4. Given that Jamie Benn has called him out for his lack of cooking skills, it’s doubtful that Tyler knows how to barbecue or grill anything, two favored pastimes in Texas: “He can’t cook,” Benn said. “I don’t know how he eats. It’s either a steak dinner at my place or Domino’s.” [4]
  5. Based on an early interview with Bruce Levine on the Stars podcast, Tyler seems pretty unimpressed with Jamie Benn’s music choices, which include (apparently) quite a bit of country.

    Bruce Levine: What is Jamie listening to on the way here?
    T: A lot of rock and stuff like that. I guess it goes with his long hair and bad beard, so I can understand it.
    Bruce Levine: And if you had your way?
    T: Probably more hip hop and, you know, definitely [not just only country?].

    Tyler, might we suggest some Pat Green? Jack Ingram? Robert Earl Keen? [5]

 

Unsure of:

  1. We know he’s a fan of “dip cheese” (honest to god, Tyler, it’s literally just the Spanish word for cheese) but we’re not sure how he feels about salsa and hot sauce.
  2. We know fast food is forbidden until the off season, but the people demand proof that Tyler has visited a Whataburger.

 

Acclimation grade, based on a very strict rubric I’ve just made up in my head: C+. He could certainly do worse, but he could certainly do better. Might I suggest a trip to the rodeo and a selfie with Big Tex?

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4 thoughts on “Becoming a Naturalized Texan (Tyler Wasn’t Born Here, But He Got Here As Fast As He Could)

    • Love you, bud but: A suburb is a residential area or a mixed use area, either existing as part of a city or urban area or as a separate residential community within commuting distance of a city.

      It literally just means that it’s a residential area.

      Like

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