12.29.14 – Stars vs Rangers Game Recap (Carolyn’s Out, But We Still Have Graphs)

Your regularly scheduled game recapper has been sacked. Just kidding, she’s out because of holiday travel, so you get me instead. It’s kind of like the color analyst vs the play-by-play guy, if the color analyst spent the entire time making terrible dad jokes and sighing over Jamie Benn’s face. That happens, right?

Carolyn likes to break things up by the good, the something not in English, and the bad (she generally says No Bueno, but that one I got). I’m gonna try something new. By periods!


The first:

Here, have a screenshot of Jamie from back when no one had scored:


I just adore his nose. :)))))

And now, your first graph:


As you can see by this graph, we had some ups and downs on Merrin’s emotional scale. We had some good rushes early on, a pretty standard call on Demers, then a power play goal by someone on the Rangers (just kidding it was Miller but like you can just look at the box score if that’s all you want) (Zuccarello assisted so at least I got some fantasy points out of it). Klingberg scored his fourth of the season. Hemsky FINALLY SCORED AGAIN. Three in thirty-two games putting him on track for, god I don’t want to do math a certain number that actually probably isn’t far off from the numbers he was putting up with the Oilers the last few seasons. Then, of course, the inevitable drop into woe when the Rangers score to tie exactly a minute later. And we carry that tie into first intermission.

During that intermission I did a quick search for “jordie benn” on twitter and came up with this:


But got hella bored after six tweets. Pick a new scapegoat. (If you want a hard stat, Jordie Benn and Jason Demers both had the lowest CA% for the night, with Demers at 25.7% and Jordie at 28.1%. You can say we broke down defensively at points, because we absolutely did, but to pin all of the failures on Jordie Benn continues to be ignorant and asinine.)

The second:


As you can see by this graph, we started the period off with a goal before I had even gotten Gamecenter Live in order (it kept freezing y’all, it was so annoying). Jamie hulked out during this entire game, but that’s just Merrin’s eye test because I’m always looking at Jamie. Carl Hagelin got a cut on his face and Carolyn called him cute when they did a close up of him on the bench getting fixed up. Clearly the lowest point of the period. I’m forgiving her because she’s had a long day.

BEEF JYRKI’S SAVE. Y’all if ever a gif exists I will edit this post and include it. I can’t even find video of it even though it was clearly the save of the game. Kari flattened on a shot but didn’t actually cover it, leaving the net wiiiiiiide freaking open for a rebound shot. THANKFULLY, Jyrki Jokipakka (who had an otherwise slightly less than okay game) slid into the net and plugged it up. It was a thing of beauty. Until there’s a gif, have this picture:

Brandon Wade/AP


source: kuerbisgelb

I can’t tell from this angle but it kinda looks like he saved that goal with his jockstrap. I certainly hope for his sake that that is not the case.

Another power play, and except for the first, ours was not very exciting this game. Or the Rangers PK is just that good. Fancy stats could probably tell you but we both know I’m not that girl. (Actually I just tried to look at it but the percentage is more than 100 and now I have a headache.) Shorthanded breakaway for Nash was wretched, but hey he didn’t score, so whatever. The clang on the post, our amazing defensive play, and then a holding penalty on Tyler Seguin to finish out the period.

This is my face to start the third:


The third: 


As you can see by this graph, twitter spent some time tonight wondering what Tyler Seguin’s order at Whataburger could possibly be. There’s also some speculation on whether he’s eaten a jalapeno, and whether he’d tear up and sweat like Jamie Benn did.


As you can see by this graph, pretty much nothing bad happened this period. I mean, if you don’t look too closely at our possession. Since that was a high point on my graph before I actually looked at a graph by a statistician, clearly Merrin’s eye test doesn’t count for much. Favorite part of the period (other than the final buzzer kicking off “Everything Is Awesome”) was Brassard prematurely celebrating a goal that Kari had actually saved. Brassard’s so nice! Cheering for opposing goalies!

And finally, a pie chart:

Pie Chart

Oh wait, here’s another bar graph:

Jamie's attractiveness

And (really) finally:

Stars video board on point as always.


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