The Style and Essence of a True Bro

It’s no secret to anyone who has watched hockey for any length of time (including, like one day) that a staggering majority of these boys are—how should I put it—flow challenged? This quote comes from the subject of this article but could be styling advice from literally anyone in the NHL:

“How about hair products? What do you use to get that perfect flow?”

“I mix it up a lot. Gels, hair spray, whatever it takes to make it look greasy and slicked back.”

source

*gags* A later article will take a broader look some of the hits and misses on the entire Stars roster, but with this first flow article I wanted to go in depth on my favorite flow in the NHL: Jamie Benn.

(Now come on, are you surprised?)

This retrospective will hit highs and what Merrin considers to just be just slightly lower highs.

We start strong:

OH MY GOD

18-year-old Jamie Benn with the Kelowna Rockets kept it short and neat.

2324_whl-kelowna

In this picture, he is clearly about to clock that dude, but you can also tell he’s keeping his hair trimmed regularly.

He kept this for a couple of years at least:


source: jbenns


source: glovehand

Sweaty, post game helmet head, and yet it really isn’t all that terrible. I mean, yeah, I wouldn’t want to touch it, per se, but it’s not offending my eyes.

There’s this video of him doing literally nothing except taping his stick from December 2010: which I am linking instead of embedding because the NHL hates me.

I can’t entirely tell when Jamie started growing it longer, but it seems to be in some stage of that by the time we get here:


source: cvxcvxc

And then we have the dark times, basically. That’s when we get pictures like this:

He looks like someone’s grandpa, except, like, darker hair.

He never seemed to know what to do with it, and would generally fall under the trap of way, way, waaaaaaay too much gel/pomade/whatever it was he was using.

Hair should do a lot of things. Crinkle when you touch it is not one of them.

While having shiny hair is generally desirable, hair that “glistens” probably isn’t.

Like I don’t get it are you hanging out in a really sticky rainforest??

He seemed to have left the pomade behind when he went to Germany. It generally looked pretty soft and inviting:

I mean, long and kind of terrible, but it doesn’t look like my hands would come away completely covered in some sort of sticky residue, so that’s something, right?

He came back from the lockout and trimmed it a bit, but nothing much changed.


AP/LM Otero

I mean, there’s clearly something glorious about having hair that flips like this when you fight.

Joe Thornton doesn’t look anywhere near as majestic.

His first year as captain, he shaved his hair into a mohawk. You might assume this would be terrible. You’d be wrong.

evenmoreprofile
source: dnadders

It was clearly one of the best/worst things to ever happen.


source previous two: shattered lens photography


source: cvxcvxc

He wasn’t always amazing at keeping it trimmed up.


source: quebuenoooo

But honestly, I’m not mad at it either way.

THEN, then. Oh my goodness then. Over the summer he got it cut, and it was literally the most glorious cut in the entire world. No longer will we hang our heads in shame about his flow, but wave our banners proudly and cry our tears and say this! This is what we’ve been waiting for all along.


source: michaellatta

He still uses way too much gel, but honestly, what were we expecting.


source: gfhockey


source: dnadders

It’s started to get long enough on the sides that it curls behind his ear, and I gotta tell you I find that particularly devastating.


source: soccerislifeyo

In conclusion, seriously, this haircut is so good.


source: shattered lens photography

*photos credited where source is available, please drop us a line if something is miscredited or you don’t want it to be included

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