Good morning lovelies! Did everyone have a good night’s rest? Are you bright eyed and bushy-tailed and ready for another day of playoff hockey? Yeah, me neither.
Game 1 – Rangers v Penguins
Final Score: Rangers 2 – Pens 1
The first game of the evening was just some good, fun hockey, though the Pens definitely exhibited some of the same issues that they had last game. The Rangers went on the powerplay early, but couldn’t capitalize.
Still, the Rangers score first on a beautiful goal by Hagelin on a pretty up-the-ice pass from Yandle while the Pens are going for a line change. Stop me if you’ve heard that one before.
Chris “I Didn’t Touch Your Goalie, I Just Found Him Like That” Kreider scores another in the second, putting the rangers up 2-0. Probably the best thing to happen during this game up to this point is this Captain Morgan commercial.
I’m pretty sure they hired away all of NBCSN’s former promo team. Yes, the captain referred to in the poem is dead so maybe it doesn’t work on EVERY level, but dammit, I JUST WANT TO FEEL THINGS.
In the 3rd, Pittsburgh remembered that to play hockey you actually need to put shots on net. They had 72% 5v5 Corsi For in the 3rd, and really gave Lundqvist a workout. Patrik “The Other Qvist” Hornqvist scores with 6 minutes left to give Pens fans hope, but alas, it was not to be. There’s a reason he’s called King Henrik – Lundqvist remained spectacular for the final minutes of the game, giving the Rangers the win.
What We Learned: When the Pens pulled Fleury for the extra attacker, my heart jumped into my throat, but then I remembered the Rangers had Lundqvist, not Lehtonen.
Game 2 – Blues vs Wild
Final Score: Blues 0 – Wild 3
I didn’t really watch this game, as these are the least entertaining teams in the entire playoffs. Apparently Dubnyk put in a very Dubnyk-esque performance, which means something entirely different now than it did a year ago. Let this give you hope, dear readers. Anything is possible.
On the other side of the ice, Jake Allen dealt admirably with Minnesota’s offensive (???) pressure (????), at least until this goal, where he’s practically across the rink.
Apparently, the Wild fans took it upon themselves to start a goalie chant after they scored….one goal. A) Goalie chants are stupid, but B) if you’re going to do a goalie chant, you do it after a goalie has turned in a shoddy performance. It’s about breaking spirits, people.
Granlund had a missed shot that probably kept him tossing and turning tonight, but in the end, it didn’t really matter – the Wild put the game away with another goal and an empty netter.
What We Learned: Steve Ott playing for the Blues (and therefore not the Stars) is probably one of the most hilarious things ever.
Game 3 – Jets v Ducks
Final Score: Jets 4 – Ducks 5 (OT)
First thing first: there was so much hype around this game because it was Winnipeg’s first playoff game in approximately I don’t give a shit, so they wanted to do something to get the crowd really amped up.
The official response? To White Out Winnipeg.
Yes, I 100% understand that a) this is a real term used in Canada to describe blinding snow, and b) is an homage to when the Jets used to wear their white jerseys at home.
BUT to counter:
a) The Jets were wearing their blue jerseys so it looked like everyone was cheering for the Ducks and b) Winnipeg has a history of using racially coded language when discussing their players of color. So for me, this was just another moment of how did this get past an editor??
As far as the hockey was concerned, it was a pretty back and forth game, which was quite fun. Every time the Jets scored, the Ducks would score approximately 30s later on a counter attack. Winnipeg (or as I’ve taken to calling them, Win-a-pig, because it makes me giggle and I can’t spell Winnipeg correctly on the first try) was playing some really lax defense again last night, but Pavelec was unable to rise to the challenge.
And then this happened.
Listen. I don’t like Corey “Fuck Him” Perry. It’s pretty well documented. But this is the kind of after the whistle bullshit that makes people turn off hockey games. This is the second time this season we’ve seen Byfuglien with a dangerous hit on a defenseless player, and I’m fucking over it. I doubt the league will suspend him for this one (he did receive a 2min minor for roughing), but it’s definitely going on his Permanent Record.
The score bounced all over the place in the 2nd, with Win-a-pig going up 4-3 on a beautiful unassisted goal by Brian Little (who probably had the best game of all the Jets forwards).
No lie, I spent most of the third period distracted by a debate about salad, but not so distracted I didn’t catch Ryan “Fucking Of Course” Kesler tie the game with 3 minutes left. This is why we can’t have nice things, Piglets.
The Ducks win it in OT because there is no joy in this world, and go up 3-0 in the series, which barring a miracle, effectively ends the Jets’ postseason.
What We Learned: At one point, the crowd started “taunting” Corey Perry by calling him Katy Perry. Because that’s funny? To pretend like a girl’s name is an insult? Listen, Winnipeg, if you can manage to make Corey “Fuck His Face” Perry a sympathetic character twice in one evening, you deserve to lose.