Oh gosh, sorry this is so late y’all. I had to get up super early today otherwise I’d’ve written it last night (confession: I was also wine-drunk last night, THANKS FOR NOTHING FLAMES.) Anyway I apologize for the lateness of this recap, but sometimes, rarely, but sometimes I have to do things other than care about hockey. It sucks, I know.
Game 1: Capitals vs Rangers
Final Score: Caps 1 – Rangers 2 (OT)
Series: Caps 3 – Rangers 2
I watched this game, unfortunately. Don’t get me wrong, for fans of the Caps or the Rangers, or even just people who are into really tight hockey games (which normally is me), this would’ve been an A+++++ game. But I was tired, I was grouchy, I was covered in flour and strawberry goo*, and so I was pretty much the most annoyed hockey fan on the planet.
The first two periods were scoreless, mostly because both Lundqvist and Holtby were being extremely good at their jobs, but also because the refs believe goalie interference exists (when the Stars aren’t playing of course**). Joel Ward got this puck in the net, only to have it waved off because Lundqvist was stuck underneath him.
Honestly, it was the correct call, except for one detail – the only reason Ward ran into Lundqvist is because one of the Rangers d-men pushed him directly onto the goalie. So…apparently that’s a thing that’s totally cool these days.
In the 3rd period, finally Curtis “Eff This” Glencross decides he wants to see some excitement from this game, streaking across the ice on a lovely breakaway pass from an offensive zone turnover and scoring off his own rebound after Lundqvist stops the initial shot.
However, that was enough for the Rangers to spring into action, and Chris “I Promise I Slid Into Your Goalie on Accident….Again” Kreider scored with Lundqvist on his way to the bench (he never actually made it).
Ward can’t pull off another last second miracle and into OT we go. To be very honest, I switched over to the Ducks/Flames game at this point, and I have to admit I was glad I did (more on that below).
Anyway, in OT the Caps really couldn’t seem to get their feet under them, with only two SOG (and 4 shot attempts total), while the Rangers were making the most of the opportunity, getting some very dangerous looks. And then Curtis “Live Long Enough to Become the Villain” Glencross makes a terrible turnover and Captain Ryan McDonagh puts it home for the Rangers victory.
What We Learned: Neither of these teams is good enough to beat whoever comes out of the West. Unless it’s the Flames. Which it won’t be.
*Flour is pretty common given I bake for a living. Strawberry goo, on the other hand, is not, and is a very unpleasant experience.
**Never over it
Game 2: Flames vs Ducks
Final Score: Flams 2 – Fucks 4
Series: FUCK THIS (Flams 1 – Fucks 3)
Ugh, listen. We all knew the goddamn Ducks were the better team in this series, but seriously, did it have to go down like this?
First the Ducks go up quickly, with Jakob “There’s a Joke About 50 Shades of Silver In Here Somewhere” Silfverberg scoring on the power play only 4 minutes into the game. But then. BUT THEN.
Oh man, then Johnny Hockey does this thing. And I’ll tell you what: I have never been more attracted to a gnome.
Sean “My Middle Name Is Probably John or Something Equally Dull” Monahan is the one that actually buries the goal, but Johnny “I Swear That’s Not A Fake” Gaudreau does all the work to get it there.
Things are looking up for the Flames, as they score a second goal just a minute later, as Michael “Who?” Ferland carries the puck all the way up the ice and just puts it behind Andersen like it ain’t no thing.
But it wasn’t to be. After a couple of near misses, including one where Ramo was out of the net and the puck ground to a stop inches in front of the line for the Flames defense to clear it, the Ducks tie it up in the second with a goal from Cogliano, as Johnny “That’s Not How To” Hockey turns it over right in front of Ramo while trying to be too fancy.
As we have well documented, sometimes Merrin & I are a bit…psychic. I don’t know if this is exactly one of those moments, but as the 3rd period began, I tweeted this:
And then literally a second later, this:
See, as the horn sounded for the end of the second period, Joe “I’m 6’5” But Only 175, So I’m Basically an Ent” Colborne decided it would be a fantastic idea to High Stick Beauchemin for reasons only known to him. And it drew blood. So the Flames were on a 4 minute penalty kill to start the third, and well, the Ducks aren’t known to be forgiving on the power play.
Beleskey puts Anaheim up 3-2, but we all keep watching because we know how the Flames are. Hartley signals Ramo to the bench, but within seconds, Patrick “What A” Maroon fights his way into the Flames zone and scores the empty netter. We all go to bed.
What We Learned: The NBC team has a bigger crush on Brandon Bollig than I do. They literally would not stop following him around with the camera. Please note – this is not a complaint.