I maintain that the Lightning sweeping the Canadiens would have been the perfect outcome. In fact, I’m pretty disappointed in the Lightning, despite their strong effort in keeping my shitty bracket alive.
Game the only game: Lightning vs Canadiens
Final Score: Lightning 4 – Canadiens 1
Series: Lightning 4 – Canadiens 2
Now, full disclosure and all, Carolyn and I were recording the longest podcast ever during the first period (and part of the second) of this game. When you listen to the podcast, you will hear us scream and clap as Nikita “compensates for having a more feminine name by scoring on your goaliez” Kucherov deflects a shot from Palat into the net after a truly, truly egregious turnover from Tomas “will probably have to buy the first six consolation rounds at the bar” Plekanec. Price didn’t see it at all.
We were watching when Steven “compensating for my receding hairline by having a party in the back” Stamkos basically treats Nathan “are you actually fully recovered from your concussion in the first round” Beaulieu like so much window dressing and basically shoots through him. I wish it had been literally anyone else on that team, because I genuinely want good things for Beaulieu, but it wasn’t, and we all have to live with the consequences.
I mean, look at this.
Beaulieu might as well not even be there, for all the difference it makes, and he was literally in the lane.
Two penalties assessed in this period, both against Montreal, but the one that the Lightning actually score on was the holding penalty to Devante “will also be buying a round of drinks” Smith-Pelly towards the end of the period.
It’s not the goal obviously, but his celly was pretty cute. The goal itself is a pretty hilarious game of “what exactly is Habs defense doing right now.” Tell me if you know, because I’m not sure. Yes it’s a pk for them, but.
I mean. You tell me.
There was also this dick maneuver by Jacob “he looked warm” de la Rose:
That quite naturally sparked a little skirmish behind the net that resulted in zero penalties and was kind of boring as skirmishes go. The Lightning were winning though, so I guess they weren’t quite as motivated to teach a lesson.
Montreal does manage to get on the board in the third period, denying Bishop the shut out and, idk, keeping their own hope alive for the last five minutes. Fitting that it was Max “American hero and possible future captain of the Habs” Pacioretty with the lone goal for Montreal.
Until Kucherov scores the empty netter, that is, and the Lightning live to take on whoever comes out of tonight’s blood bath. (Ovechkin GUARANTEES it will be the Capitals, so.)
What we learned:
(Also holy shit Bish is tall)