No really, listen.
I don’t want to talk about the Hawks game yesterday. It was shit. The Hawks were the 25-times-this-year-Stars where they outplayed the competition and lost. It was bullshit. I’m so mad that I wanted to throw things but I was at Carolyn’s house so I didn’t.
SO INSTEAD. I’m going to give you a recap for the Canada/Russia game yesterday, and you’re gonna like it because it involves three Stars.
Canada vs Russia
Final Score: Canada 6 – Russia 1
CANADA WINS GOLD.
So like. Right off the bat you need to know that Canada SLAYED this tournament. Jason Spezza (light of my life) was the points leader for the tournament, but the other top to leading scorers were Jordan Eberle and Taylor Hall (MY CHILDREN). IN FACT, Canada has 6 of the 10 top scoring leader spots, as Matt Duchene, Sidney Crosby, and Brent Burns are also represented.
Tyler Seguin led the tournament in goals with 9, and at some point managed to pick up five assists (going into the last few games he had none) for a total of 14 points.
THIS WAS CERTAINLY HELPED by the Canada’s goal differential. In 10 games played they scored 66 goals and allowed 15. That’s a goal differential of 51, folks. Canada is legit.
But that’s the whole tournament. This game, obviously, was pretty amazing from the start.
Cody “ginger ninja” Eakin opened scoring by having his skate in exactly the right place for the puck to bounce in off a shot from Tyler “this is so much more fun than my regular season” Ennis.
Eakin returns the favor by assisting on this absolute beauty of a wrap around goal that Ennis scores to make it 2-0 Canada. (This was also the eventual game winner.)
Like seriously he could hold a class. I wouldn’t take it, but I don’t play hockey. But I wouldn’t mind him teaching some of the Stars his moves.
Sidney “so maybe I don’t hate ALL the Flyers” Crosby makes it 3-0 off a feed from Jordan Eberle, because the line this game was Hall-Crosby-Eberle, and if you think I didn’t shed a tear over my tiny children playing with Sidney FREAKING Crosby, you’re wrong. I don’t have a gif of this goal but it was great.
So if you’ve been following along on twitter, you’ll already know about the burgeoning bromance between Tyler Seguin and Claude Giroux. I’m a little more interested, personally, in the storyline between Crosby and Giroux because of their history of absolutely loathing each other, but I’m glad that Tyler found a bro for the tournament.
All that to lead into Giroux’s beautiful no-look pass to Tyler Seguin for the 4-0 goal:
Seriously. Any chance we could liberate Giroux from the Flyers? No? Oh well, I’ll continue to enjoy him in international competition then.
Speaking of Claude “too ginger for that ugly orange jersey” Giroux, he scored early in the third on a power play off a beautiful pass through the slot by his new BFF Sidney Crosby.
And then they celebrated.
They went from reluctant head taps and low fist bumps to Giroux smiling at Sidney Crosby like he actually likes him. INTERNATIONAL COMPETITION, AM I RIGHT. WE THE NORTH. Or they they north, I’m the south. WHATEVER.
You guys know that Christmas story from World War 1 where the French and the British and the Germans all came out of their trenches and played soccer and shared chocolate with each other because they’d all run out of food and bullets?
Sidney Crosby and Claude Giroux. I’m just sayin’.
Last goal from Nathan “hey I’m also from Cole Harbour” MacKinnon to absolutely crush the Russians, until Evgeni “I swear there were actually two teams on the ice” Malkin scores to ruin Mike “actually had time to read War and Peace today” Smith’s shutout. Which is fine, because he didn’t deserve it anyway.
There was much rejoicing after, including a video that Tyler Seguin posted that he almost as quickly took down when he realized that Claude Giroux was naked in the background. If you’re interested in that kind of thing, you can see it here.
Other celebrations involving less nudity:
And hey, it was Canada’s first time winning gold since 2007, but they’ve never had such a stacked team in recent memory, so that certainly helped. Sidney Crosby joins the triple gold club, and is the first player to captain all three gold teams. He’s really good or something idek.
What we learned: