5.20.15 SC Playoffs Recap (Goaltending? I hate the word, as I hate hell, all Montagues..)

The absolute worst thing about the ECF game last night are all the people who are now making smug “let’s complain about this being a close game since you didn’t like that 2-1 score” jokes. Like, wow, god forbid people appreciate hockey differently than you do.

Game: Rangers v Lightning

Final Score: Rangers 5 – Bolts 6 (OT)

Series: Rangers 1 – Bolts 2

The Rangers came out strong in the first, with Derick “Never Saw a Weird Name Spelling He Didn’t Like” Brassard scoring in the 1st minute, as the Lightning got tagged for roughing IN THE FIRST 30 SECONDS OF THE GAME. Not good, Stars East, not good.

It looked bad for Ben “Who Knows How I’m Gonna Play Today” Bishop, as Jesper “How Many Puns Can You Make with My Last Name” Fast scored again in the 1st – on just the Rangers’ 4th SOG.

Steven “Who Knew I Look This Good with a Beard” Stamkos scores on the rebound to keep the game close, and close out the first period with the dreaded 2-1 score.

At this point, everyone just decided goaltending was for the birds. In the second, Tampa’s “Triplets” score two goals (including one from Tyler “Tiny Peanut” Johnson) to put the Bolts up 3-2, before Alex “I Always Lose the FMK Game” Killorn nets another one to give Tampa a two goal lead.

But as they say, that’s the most dangerous lead in hockey, and not 30 seconds later, the Rangers claw their way within one, on another goal by Fast.

Unsurprisingly, the Rangers press hard at the start of the 3rd, and Ryan “I Could Totally Be Captain America! Parise? Pfft.” McDonagh ties the game with a power play goal.

Tampa actually lead scoring chances the entire game, including that 3rd period, so no one is shocked (get it? Cuz they’re the Lightning?) when Ondrej “So Palat-able” Palat nets his second goal of the night and restores the lead for Tampa. I wash my hands and say ‘well, that’s that’ but of course.


The Rangers were all “lolol, foolish mortal!” You see, Dan “No, The Other One” Boyle was determined to make up for his previous Playoff Sins (he once scored the OT game winner…against his own team), and shovels one past Bishop after he saves a Yandle slapper. Off to OT we go!

I have to say OT is way more fun when you don’t actually have an emotional investment in the teams. Still, both these fast teams were already pretty gassed, so when Nikita “Russian Peanut” Kucherov gets a pass to exit the defensive zone, New York’s D just let him stick handle over their blue line where he snipes it past Lundqvist.

What We Learned: No joke I make will be better than this one, so I’m not even gonna try.


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