So when we were making the blogging schedule for this week, Merrin was originally supposed to do this recap. “But Carolyn,” she said, “Every time I do a Blackhawks game recap, they lose. You have to do it.”
“Sure,” I replied. But in my head I was thinking omg that’s just a coincidence. But this is sports, and nothing is EVER just a coincidence, clearly.
Game: D*cks v Blackhawks
Final Score: D*cks 2 – Hawks 5
Series: Tied 3-3
The first period of the game started out a little weak, with several icings and a patented Blackhawks Too Many Men™ penalty, but quickly picked up, to the delight of people everywhere. Maybe it wasn’t delightful to Ducks fans, as the Hawks dominated possession, but they made their bed and have to lie in it. Still, Anaheim finally found their feet, and by the end of the period, there were no goals, and the Ducks were leading in SOG, if not CF%.
But the second? Oh, that was all Chicago.
The goal scoring started about halfway through the period when Brandon “BRING ME YOUR OFFER SHEETS” Saad grabbed a nifty little drop from Patrick “My Hair Is This Bad In The Regular Season, Too” Kane and just walks past the lone Ducks Dman to slip the puck into their net.
Is it hot in here or is it just me?
Then, two minutes later Marian “Go Ahead. Make a Joke. I’ll Wait.” Hossa scores after Duncan “Terminator 5000” Keith does some beautiful shot faking to feed him the puck.
And just a scant two minutes after that, Patrick Kane does some patented Patrick Kane Filthiness™ with Toews heading to the net.
Goal is still credited to Kaner, but Jonny “On the Spot” Toews could’ve gotten a stick on it before it crossed the line.
Patrick “I Could Be a Really Bad Pirate” Maroon scores for the Ducks about 7 seconds into a power play, but literally no one cares.
The Hawks go into the start of the third up 3-1, and of course everyone’s biting their nails, and with good reason. Just two minutes into the final period Clayton “Weed Jokes Are So Passé. What About Biblical Punishment Jokes?” Stoner scores, making it a one goal game.
It was kind of a bullshit goal, as there was very clear goaltender interference with Jakob “On My List” Silfverberg running right into Corey “Please Stop Wearing That Mask” Crawford’s glove as he goes to make the save.
If he hadn’t been interfered with, that wouldn’t have been a goal. To add insult to injury, Andrew “Wait I’m On This Team?” Desjardins gets the whistle for goalie interference just a minute later. (It was also clearly goalie interference, but still. Don’t call it when you feel like it, refs.)
The Ducks continue to dominate possession in the 3rd, really looking to seal the series, and things are looking grim for the Blackhawks, with Crawford forced to make some good saves and Duncan “Give Me All the Stars” Keith backing him up when he can’t. The Hawks need a hero. Someone who can skip around defenders and use his sick hands to give them some breathing room. Someone who knows when it’s showtime.
Someone like…Andrew Shaw, Ice Dancer.
My favorite part is that the puck leaves his stick as he’s turning backwards. Oh, Shawzy, you just want to play ALL the sports, don’t you.
With 3:26 remaining the Ducks push hard, pulling Frederick “Better Than He Has A Right To Be” Andersen, but they can’t get anything going, and Shaw scores the Empty Netter to seal the deal.
WE’RE GOING TO GAME SEVEN, BABY.
What We Learned: Andersen is a no fun meanie who doesn’t believe in Birthday Goals.