SC Final Game Recap (I’m Not a Jinx They’d Already Lost)

I know I know another recap from MERRIN where the BLACKHAWKS LOST but look they’d already lost when we decided I should do the recap so you know whatever, right?

I’m pretty sure the hockey gods knew Carolyn was gonna make me do this.

LOOK DON’T BLAME THE MESSENGER I’M A VICTIM HERE TOO. (A victim of what, you ask? The Lightning being the Stars East. We’re all a victim of that.)

Lightning vs Blackhawks
Final score: Lightning 3 – Blackhawks 2
Series: Lightning 2 – Blackhawks 1

You want to know the ~narrative of this game? I feel like it can be summed up in several gifs from our friend myregularface.

(It might not be that obvious in the second gif but oh my god Ben “why take me out when I’m actually playing well despite not being able to move” Bishop was very obviously incredibly injured from the start of this game. Not that you’d know it, based on the Hawks inability to get literally anything past him.)

Blackhawks outpossessed (by a kinda narrow margin but STILL) and outshot the Lightning over three periods while taking shots on a goalie who could barely butterfly and had literally no lateral movement and still lost. Why?

VOODOO.

BLACK MAGIC.

THE HOCKEY GODS KINDA HATE THE BLACKHAWKS FOR REASONS.

Or because the Lightning managed to squeak out a significantly higher number of scoring chances. It’s almost like those are better predictors in calculating wins and losses.

The Lightning opened scoring in the first when Ryan “magic in the locker room and on the ice” Callahan gets a RIDICULOUS end-to-end pass from Viktor “now that’s using your head . . . man” Hedman. Seriously it went past every single Hawk on the ice (including Corey Crawford knowwhati’msayin). Effort like that probably deserves reward.

Like a goal. And then some butt taps from your friends.

Marian “so he is actually a human after all” Hossa has an opportunity at a wide open net after tricking Bishop out of it and then . . . misses. I’ve already shown you the gif, but it happened right after the Callahan goal and really set the tone for the Hawks for the rest of the game.

Braydon “whoops did I do that” Coburn takes a penalty for hooking Brandon “actually looks like hockey jesus” Saad in front of the net and gives Brad “the OTHER 91” Richards a golden opportunity on the power play.

He saw the chance, he took the chance. Tie game.

(Random aside, is it just me or does Brad Richards always look like someone just shined a bright light in his eyes?)

The second period was kind of boring except for that brief moment when Jonathan “this IS my game face” Toews ended up in the net. Or, as the poop jokers like to call it, the Danger Zone.


source: sheercompulsion

If only he’d taken the puck with him.

Oh and the goaltender interference call against Saad, which was a wildly unpopular call amongst Hawks fans in the arena but, you know, actually justified as a call.

Also around this time Johnny Oduya went back to the locker room for unspecified reasons. Hawks were down to five defenseman and one of them was Kyle “my nickname is Cummer, no really” Cumiskey, so there was no way this was going to go badly.

So the third period. The only period in which the Hawks out scoring chanced the Lightning (though not by much). It all looked so promising! Brandon Saad gets the puck with an open shooting lane (after some good passing around the zone to move some Lightning players) and takes good advantage.

Except that LITERALLY THIRTEEN SECONDS LATER this happens.

If this sounds like a familiar narrative in Hawks games this postseason . . .

And then to add insult to injury Cedric “baby faced because I’m actually a baby” Paquette gets the game winner.

What we learned:

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