Remember when I said I liked the first two games of a series because I could actually enjoy the hockey? NOT ANYMORE. SCREW THIS STUPID SPORT AND THESE STUPID TEAMS AND ALL THESE STUPID FEELINGS.

Blackhawks vs Lightning
Final score: Hawks 2 – Bolts 1
Series: Tied 2-2

First, amid all the gamesmanship and the fact that Jon Cooper is clearly fine with playing an injured goalie, Andrei “Say My Name Three Times Fast” Vasilevskiy was chosen as the Tampa Bay starter. The man is 20 years old, married, and playing in the Stanley Cup Final. Let that sink in. I bet all your life choices are starting to look real good right now.

Still, the first period he didn’t have to prove how good he is, as the Hawks got only two shots on goal. Not “like” two shots on goal, literally two shots on goal. They also took 3 penalties, giving much of their fan base heart attack-esque symptoms.  Fortunately, Corey “Average who? Average what?” Crawford was a beast, stopping all 9 of Tampa’s shots.

The second, per usual in this series, is where the game really opened up. The Blackhawks hit post on this dirty chance from Oduya (this is a theme, btw).

Though fortunately, Jonathan “I’m Always Wearing My Game Face” Toews heard our cries of anguish and answered by throwing the puck past Vasilevskiy after Patrick Sharp taps a rebound over to him.

Of course, it was too good to be true, as Alex “Did You Know I Graduated from Harvard? Well, I did. Graduate from Harvard” Killorn got one back for Tampa, taking complete advantage of a discombobulated defense that left Crawford’s net wide open.

Unsurprisingly, we headed into the 3rd period tied.

Kimmo “Who?” Timonen hit another post, but only seconds later, Brandon “$$$$$” Saad got a pass from Kane, took it to the net, got off a soft shot that bounces right back to him, and settles the puck down just enough to slide it through Vasilevskiy’s five hole.

Is it hot in here or is it just me?

From then on, the game was all Lightning, as the Blackhawks collectively forgot how to hockey. Everyone except Corey Crawford, that is, who was forced into action as the Bolts swarmed the offensive zone. The Baby Goalie was pulled at the 2 minute mark, and the extra attacker created enough chaos that Stamkos got this beautiful look that will haunt his dreams until Saturday.

Fortunately for Hawks fans, a look was all they got, and the Chicago boys took it to even the series 2-2.

What we learned: They’re multiplying


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