Alternative titles: Third Period Meltdown, How Dare You Waste Two Eakin Goals In This Manner, Why Do You All Look So Goddamn Tired, WTF Is This Positioning, Why Did I Start Watching Hockey Again.
Look at the chill I have. All of it.
I don’t have the promised graph because Carolyn didn’t pack her charging cable when she went to RITHAC. What I can tell you about our possession metrics is that everyone but Jason Spezza and Patrick Eaves were positive. Eaves in particuar was -9. Not sure what was going on there. And TRAVIS MOEN was your possession leader. You heard me. Jordie Benn clearly misses Jason Demers.
Conversely, all but five of the Avs were negative.
BUT WE LOST. I swear to god, Stars, if this is the Starry Starry Season part 2 I’m . . . well I’m gonna keep watching and rooting for you but I’m gonna be so unhappy about it.
This graph really starts before the game when Darth Strader and Bolt Vanderhuge were giving us all these sad statistics about the Stars playing in Denver. Did you know it’s been like three seasons since we won in Denver? And that we’ve never beaten Varlamov at home? How sad is that, right? Especially since they’re in our division and, like, we play them pretty frequently.
WELL. Then the puck drops and I’m just getting settled on the couch with twitter open in front of me and I look up when I hear Strader get kinda excited right off the hop. Because Mattias Janmark, who is WINNING the Cole trade, scores 20 seconds into the game. His second NHL game. Because he started it. His second NHL game.
In our last podcast we had some bold predictions, and Carolyn guessed that Roussel would have the first fight of the season. I’m pretty sure I cast my lot with Jamie before I started looking up who had the first fight last season (it was Fiddler). Regardless, Roussel squares off with Cody McLeod about six minutes into the game. Because it’s Colorado, probably, because I don’t think anything specific had happened.
(Bless the 2% of people who voted this as a Roussel win. You’re blind, but you’re adorable.)
Cody Eakin cleans up some garbage in front of the net (the puck, not Varlamov, hey-ooooo) and gets his first of the season. He also does this while being tripped by a poke check, so that was kind of impressive.
A little roughing in the corner after Skille takes a late shot against Niemi that everyone on the Stars took exception to and then it’s first intermission.
The story of the second is special teams, because all of the scoring was on the power play.
Almost the first thing that happens in the second is Jamie takes a dumb penalty that shouldn’t have been a penalty. A familiar story? At normal speed you can see why it’s called but on video review, nah son. Don’t worry though, the Avs didn’t score here.
Jamie was not happy about it.
What DID happen is McLeod goes off for interference against Jordie Benn and Cody Eakin, hereafter referred to as GinJa (because I’ve got genius friends on twitter), gets his second of the year. Such joy, friends. It was 3-1.
And then the two stupidest penalties in hockey followed. Carolyn’s pick for #1 most stupid, the puck over glass, when Niemi attempted to clear the puck and elevated it straight into the netting.
Johnson scores on the ensuing power play.
Less than four minutes later, the Stars take a bench minor for too many men. TOO MUCH MAN. TOO MANY DICKS ON THE DANCE FLOOR. Like, bad bounces happen over the glass, but can’t you assholes count!?
And on the power play, FOR SOME REASON, all four Stars converge on Jarome Iginla but like, behind him. Leaving him plenty of space to figure out Niemi.
And we take that tie into second intermission.
Remember a time I didn’t dread the third period? Me neither.
That line just goes straight down in the floor, through the bedrock, until it loops around the core of the earth forever. The only slight uptick is the hilarity of watching someone lose a skate blade. In this instance, Jordie Benn.
The Stars started getting panicky this period and played SHITTY HOCKEY. Like, seriously shitty. They couldn’t calm themselves or the puck down. I’ll be honest, I stopped watching after the second Landeskog goal (because there were three goals this period, all Avs. We let them score five unanswered goals.
So I bailed on the last two minutes to watch Sense8 instead and I think you can all understand the self preservation that led to that decision.
One thing I missed was a scrum that started for . . . some reason. But also included this:
Roussel got suspended for this bullshit last season and if Blake Comeau doesn’t as well I’m going to be pissed.
John Klingberg did not have an awesome game. He got stuck on the ice at an icing and generally skated around in the third like he was totally gassed. Petition to move Denver to sea level? Maybe? The Stars play shitty hockey there. I don’t like it.