10.27.15 Mailbag! (The One With the Beard-Off)

Last week, we got so many excellent questions for our podcast we couldn’t get to all of them. So of course, we love our readers and didn’t want them to go unanswered, so it’s time for another edition of your favorite segment: THE 2BL MAILBAG!

Anon Asked:

Which hockey players would be the Fellowship of the Ring? Doesn’t have to be just Stars players 🙂

M: Jagr would be Gandalf. He has the right mix of old and still pretty sassy. Connor McDavid is probably Frodo, making Dylan Strome the faithful Samwise. Connor McDavid: “I will take it (the weight of expectation in Edmonton, also their dying hopes of ever getting past the middle in the standings)! Though I do not know the way.”

Merry and Pippin are Tyler and Jamie. Fun-loving goobers who don’t know what they’re getting into until they’re into it. Legolas is Erik Karlsson, the Owl King. (Have you heard the story of him stopping by the side of the road to observe an owl?) (That’s it, that’s the story. Some lucky fan’s mom snapped a pic.)

I know he isn’t bearded, but Andrew Shaw seems like Gimli to me. Short, angry, chip on his shoulder, willing to take on foes in battle that are twice his size, pretty good at winning those battles.

This just leaves Aragorn, once and future king, and Boromir, done in by his desire to keep his people safe. Please understand, when I write my choices, that I thought of these and started laughing uncontrollably in real life. Like, to tears. I’m so happy I’m here to amuse myself. Aragorn is Sidney Crosby and Claude Giroux is Boromir.

C: What she said.

M: NINE COMPANIONS. THEY SHALL BE CALLED, THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE STANLEY CUP.

Ana Asked:

I love watching the Dallas Stars games and being on Twitter to read your commentary! It makes the games more fun! 🙂 If you guys are unavailable to twit who else can I follow on Twitter for game commentaries??

C: Well, there’s obviously the beat writers to give you play by play commentary (@MikeHeika or @StarsInsideEdge). Of course, there’s the official Defending Big D account (@DefendingBigD) and I also suggest following several of their writers (@RobertTiffin, @Erin_DBD, @JoshL1220, @taylorbaird – I’m missing a bunch!). If you want good pictures, @ShatteredLensTX & @JLMphotography are really good follows.

M: @dnadders also has a lot of really good pics.

C: And then for a funny follow, I suggest @Sneeze7x. We RT him a lot.

M: And @SteampunkMuppet and @komnumep!

C: OMG yes, love those two. I’m missing so many good Stars follows here. I should probably do a Follow Friday at some point.

M: Maybe on Friday? 🙂

C: You think you’re so funny.

M: Duh.

Andrew Asked:

Describe the best believable trade between Dallas and Toronto.

C: Oh man. Ok. Let me pull up Toronto’s roster.

M: Not Dion Phaneuf. Not Dion Phaneuf. Not Dion Phaneuf. Not Dion Phaneuf. Not Dion Phaneuf. Not Dion Phaneuf. Not Dion Phaneuf. Not Dion Phaneuf. Not Dion Phaneuf. Not Dion Phaneuf. Not Dion Phaneuf. Not Dion Phaneuf. Not Dion Phaneuf. Not Dion Phaneuf. Not Dion Phaneuf. x 11 million

C: I think, if we’re talking about a trade that Nill could pull off, but that also is very tilted in the Stars’ favor, maybe Oleksiak & Moen for Rielly and a 5th round pick. Rielly is a very talented Dman, only 21, and has been shifted all over the line up so far this year. He’s on the smaller side at 6’1″ & 205lb, so I could see the Leafs maybe wanting to get some size and “grit.”

Let me be clear – the Leafs should absolutely NOT make this trade. But yanno. Jim Nill has Jedi mind powers.

Also he’s not Dion Phaneuf.

M: THANK GOD.

amandaplease50 said:

Hopefully this isn’t too late but very serious question: Which defenseman has the best beard? I was thinking mostly the competition would be between Jordie and Oduya (so I guess try to be unbiased because I know you ladies love JoBenn) 🙂

M: How can I be unbiased though.

Source: Shattered Lens Photography

C: But on the other hand:

source: teuvo-teravainens.tumblr.com

M: Could you have picked a tinier picture?

Source: stars-benn.tumblr.com

C: Everyone’s a critic.

Source: grilledcheesbyisreal.tumblr.com

M: Look just because Jordie’s beard is better loved by cameras. And Merrins.

Source: stars-benn.tumblr.com

C: Counterpoint from cameras and Carolyns:

Source: Shattered Lens Photography

M: Yeah but.

Source: bennyandthestars.tumblr.com

C: I see where you’re coming from, but also:

M: Okay sure but there’s:

C: Wait….are you thinking what I’m thinking?

M: Yes, Brain. But if Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?

C: No, Merrin! Why have one beard if you can have TWO!
Oduya & Jordie Beard

M: YOU ARE THE SMARTEST AND THE PRETTIEST.

C: I couldn’t do it without you.

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