5.6.16 SC Playoff Game Recap (I WAS IN MY KITCHEN)

There was nowhere else for me to talk about this, so I’m talking about it here. At 13:06 in the second period of the game last night, I was banished to my kitchen by the internet. I went and I stayed and WE WON so who’s laughing now!?

Why at 13:06? Well, I feel like we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves friends, so let’s go back.

First Period

First period

I actually watched almost all of the first period. I say almost all because after Jay Bouwmeester (whose name I only just learned to spell) scored I put the game on mute. Mute is normally a level I reserve for at least one more goal, probably, but good LORD I just cannot handle Pierre McGuire.

Can we talk about that for a second? Like, I want the Stars to win because I’m a Stars fan and they DESERVE it because they’re actually a GOOD TEAM. They didn’t get to the top of the Western Conference by some sort of ACCIDENT. There’s no asterisk next to this season. So, like, STOP WITH THE TONE OF SURPRISE WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING WELL.

But almost more than I want the Stars to win, I want the Blues to lose. And it’s not even all their fault, although it’s been well documented here before that I just don’t like them. But I want them to lose because EVERYONE ON NBC AND AT THE NHL WANTS THEM TO WIN. THINKS THEY DESERVE TO WIN. Pierre Fucking McGuire keeps crawling up the Blues collective ass and acting like it’s somehow UNUSUAL when the Stars do something right.

I get that everyone’s gonna have their bias and we’d need a frickin robot to get a truly neutral broadcast, but. Like. Can it at the VERY LEAST be better than this? No? Fine.

So yeah, I muted it. Cody Eakin takes a late penalty because that’s just how the first period went. I really fail to see how it’s holding when someone ELSE knocks you down (glaring at you, Alexander Steen) but as you know, refs.

Second period

Second period

After I set a new game day thread for DBD, I went to the kitchen to make dinner. I’d stopped earlier at HEB and got a box of mac and cheese and it was gonna be a wild night, y’all.

I honestly had no idea the second had even started. I wasn’t listening on my phone, I didn’t see any push notifications about goals. Honestly by the time I settled back in my room with my dinner I thought maybe the numbers might have been shots on goal??? That seemed WAY MORE LIKELY than the Stars scoring twice. I still haven’t even watched the goals but the gifs are pretty.

Honestly Radek Faksa is the best thing to happen to this post season. I adore him. And that turnover is just the most gorgeous thing I’ve seen all series.


So, because I rarely have a thought I don’t want to tell anyone else about, I tweeted out that I’d been in the kitchen when the Stars scored and asked if I should go back.

Let this serve as a lesson to you, friends. Don’t ask that question.

I didn’t go back to the kitchen then. I was eating dinner! Superstitions are silly! My placement in my apartment cannot possibly have an outcome on a game happening in St. Louis!

And then. Paul Stastny, that asshole, scored on a power play off another Cody Eakin penalty.

Where I proceeded to stay.

me in the kitchen

For the rest of the period.

I was asked if I was going to Sylvia Plath it but I was mostly taking a pic of the oven to prove my location.

There’s no chairs in my kitchen, it’s a tiny apartment galley kitchen. I was allowed by twitter to leave on a stoppage in play to grab a chair.

Here’s the only upside: the goal happened at 13:06, and it was only about 7 more minutes of play till intermission. I took a potty break and did not even touch the door to my room.

Third period

Third period.jpg

When I got out of the bathroom, my roommate was in the kitchen making her own dinner. She asked about the chair and I told her what was up. She kinda. Well. Far be it from me to put words in a person’s mouth, but I’m pretty sure she’s happy I’m moving out next week. She backed up into her room and left me to my kitchen exile.

With my chair. During the making of dinner (when the Stars actually scored those two goals) I’d been watching Mockingjay Part 1, but going back to Katniss and the revolution wasn’t really as interesting when I’m FORCED into the kitchen, so instead I pestered people on twitter.

And spoilers, dudes. Nothing much happened in the third. At least according to twitter.

Because the Stars don’t love me as much as I love them, they did not win in regulation.


For a graph of overtime, please see the third period.

Nothing like the Texas-born ten-times-distilled deliciousness of Deep Eddy Lemon. I’d only taken a few hits off the bottle when I finally got confirmation.

And, because everyone should see this:

Stars play at home on Saturday. I will not be in my kitchen because I will be at a wedding, though I assume the venue probably has a kitchen.

Be safe, have fun, and remember it’s only daft if it doesn’t work.


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