Go here to listen to Denis Gurianov beatbox!
As you may have heard, Merrin was away this weekend in Jolly Old England! Of course, this meant we couldn’t record our podcast, but we didn’t want to leave you hanging — we knew you had some burning questions for us to answer!
*pretending the Oleksiak trade didn’t happen*
What’s the best English biscuit? My vote is for dark chocolate Chocolate McVittie’s Digestives.
M: I honestly don’t have a ton of experience with English biscuits? I know I’m in England right at this very moment, but my sister has a sugar sensitivity and doesn’t eat much of it so she doesn’t keep biscuits around. That said, I can pound an entire box of the Walker’s shortbread cookies and I think those are Scottish.
C: I refuse to enjoy English biscuits on the grounds that it’s real biscuit erasure.
Andrew ‘too cool for cali’ L-A ask:
Please revisit all previous casting/baked goods/show tunes questions for Andrew Cogliano.
C: ALL previous casting/baked goods/show tunes questions???? You know we’ve been doing this for FOUR YEARS right? I don’t even remember all those questions.
That said, I feel strongly that Cogs would be a cheddar biscuit.
M: If I were sorting him into a Hogwarts house I’d put him in Gryffindor. If I were casting him in Hamilton, he’d be Ben Franklin. Old, mentioned once, never seen onstage.
Be My Shannytine asks:
1) Do you think Nill will go for a blockbuster trade at the deadline, a smaller trade, or no trade?
2) Which Stars player would you cuddle & binge true crime docs (or show of your choice) with during this polar vortex?
C: To answer the second question first, I don’t know if there is a blockbuster trade to be made at the deadline this year. If anything, the two “biggest” rental names would be Matt Duchene and Mark Stone. Duchene seems like he’ll potentially get re-signed, but even if he doesn’t I don’t know if Nill would go for him. Stone is likely gone, and I’d love to see him in victory green, but he’s still a winger, and while he would address some of our scoring needs right now, that 2C spot will remain a weakness going into next year.
That said, I do think they’re a lot more comfortable parting with their 1st this season, since the Draft won’t be in Dallas this year.
M: I don’t have an answer that you haven’t covered.
C: as for cuddling… It’s gotta be Jamie, right? Like he earned his nickname.
M: you’ll cuddle with Jamie over my dead body.
Captain Celery asks:
If you could pick any random country in the world for the Stars’ next franchise player to come from, where and why? I’d pick Scotland because I am Scottish and I’d love to see the shit puns NHLdotcom would come up with.
C: oooh, I’d also love to see the “chirps” a Scottish NHL player would come up with. But I’d love to see a Mexican (or Mexican-American) player in Texas.
M: I’d also pick Scotland for the accent and the chirps, but agree that a Mexican player would be baller.
Per our usual schedule, we posted the latest podcast Monday morning. And per the Stars’ usual schedule, they made a trade just hours later. But not just any trade. They sent a 4th round pick (2019) to Pittsburgh for… get this… Jamie Oleksiak. Yes, that Jamie Oleksiak. (And also this Jamie Oleksiak.)
Many of you called for a second podcast, but unfortunately our schedules just don’t align with the workings of the hockey world right now. However, we do have time to answer some of your questions, textually. Just you know, read the answers in our voices or something. It’ll be like a podcast in your head.
So let’s start with the most obvious question.
Lynne asks: Are you guys okay?
C: No, thank you for asking. I’ve been getting shitty sleep, and apparently clenching my jaw, which makes my whole face hurt. Oh, and also my hockey team traded for a guy they traded away last year, because….. A reason?
M: Idk, I’m fine. Like. If there’s anything the last few years have taught me it’s compartmentalization. That’s not healthy, you say? I will tell you that it’s the only way I get through my day. Jamie Oleksiak being in victory green again is shoved behind a door in my brain. Inside that door, I’m screaming. But out here? I’m fine. I’m so fine. I’m the finest. Fiiiiiiiiiiiiine.
The Stars DID THINGS! Carolyn & Merrin talk trade analysis, setting a high bar, and the All-Star debacle. Plus, they pitch an HGTV show, create a new podcast, and debut a new segment. Everyone loves a theme night!
Carolyn & Merrin are back from their holiday vacations with a special 2019 Sam Gagner tribute podcast! They talk horsesh*t, depth scoring, mission impossible, travel, and of course, the hot topic of the day… butts!
There is nothing more heartbreaking than the Dallas Stars. Carolyn & Merrin dissect the 4-game losing streak, Seattle’s poor choices, what counts as a reboot, pick the best Batman, have zero feelings about the Flyers, and give the Stars some much-needed gifts.
It’s our last podcast of 2018, so Merry Cheermas and have a happy New Year!
Yikes! Awkward broadcast moment about the Beauts. (Will take forever to load)
And look at these sweet jerseys!!!
A not quite league-worst power play, dead defensemen, and yet the Stars are doing ok? Carolyn & Merrin talk the many kinds of raptors, uncover a conspiracy, reminisce about 80s spy movies, and become one with Christmas cheer. You are cheer. We are all become cheer.
The Dallas Stars are in a playoff spot! Well, for *checks watch* maybe this next hour. Carolyn & Merrin try to avoid election-night coverage, talk Nichushkin, coach firings and, of course, the latest Senators shenanigans. Plus, Brett Ritchie’s blackmail material, bad surprises, and haunted sex dolls. Here’s to you, Mrs. Dickinson!
The season is doomed! Carolyn & Merrin give their best advice ever, Jamie Benn can’t cartwheel, Merrin goes to camp, Carolyn learns about the Dallas Cowboys, and there’s not nearly enough improv. Remember kids, God loves a callback!
Hockey’s back! And so are the shenanigans. Carolyn & Merrin break down the start to the Stars’ season, things get kinda sexy, Jamie scores 600, the Canucks are kinda dumb (as usual), and absolutely no one is high. We promise.