12.21.15 Stars v Wild Game Recap (Klingberg Gone Wild)

Okay, folks! Roomie here with your Stars vs Wild game recap.

I have this theory that I got stuck doing the recap for this game not because Merrin and Carolyn were both busy being on vacations and doing holiday-type festivities and stuff, but because it’s on that channel that is always shitty and blacks out frequently during games so you are constantly in the kind of suspense that leaves you just this side of having an actual heart attack.

Because that happened. A LOT.  Like, I can save you a lot of reading by telling you the third period was mostly like ?????????????? OH HEY, WE WON! But I guess you’re reading because you actually want to know what happened or something.

I mean, so do I.  But as with my previous recap, I’ll fill you in on what I can.

Random other things you should know about: Apparently, Demers’ mom made some homemade chocolate turtles that were excellent.  Razor mentioned this FREQUENTLY during the game. I want to be her friend.

Also, one of the guys (Sevvy, I think?) said he wanted to see Klingberg making some of those “sultry little passes” during this game…whatever that means (re: hockey). I choose to assume he made quite a lot of them and my tv was blacking out keep them censored. Klingberg’s passes, just too hot for TV. Tough luck if you were hoping to ACTUALLY see them, Sevvy.


Anyway, first period:

Ugh… this was another one of those not good for the Stars type starts.

Some Wild guy called Spurgeon, who is (not a fish and) according to Razor quite tall and “a very elfin 170 or so”, scored the first goal less than 5 minutes in.  Then, Charlie Coyle knocked Jamie Benn over and also scored and we were down 0-2 in less than ten minutes. Ruff was like… “Yeah… let’s not.” And put Antti in, which is great! ‘Cuz I love him and also  he stopped all but one of the subsequent shots the Wild made in the game.

Razor speculated that this may have been due to the “reverse jersey night” confusing Kari, our formidable road goalie, into thinking this was actually a home game.  I mean… maybe?

Hemsky tried to do things… twice. Dubnyk was not having it.

Porter smashed Demers into a wall trying to race for the puck, because of maybe this should have been an icing call or something? I don’t know what this hybrid icing thing is, or why it’s different from regular icing, but apparently it should have been called, so Demers didn’t get broken.  But they smashed into the boards and he did 😦 He left the ice without putting any weight on his left leg.

And then… oh nevermind, Klingberg must have made a sultry little pass.

But after commercial, Demers came out and did a twirl, which apparently means to test if he is still too broken to play hockey.  He wasn’t. YAY!!!

So, in my notes… I forgot to make a note about when the first period ends, but I think that was it.  It was kind of boring, honestly.  Even though two goals were scored and they swapped goalies, like the Wild are SO BORING. They are sooo slow and we still really couldn’t get past them, and I feel like we should have because we are fast and awesome. But mostly it looked like them kinda just floating around out there and us scrambling around, which is not how it actually was, but if I wasn’t trying to pay attention so I could write this recap, I’d have wandered off to read a book or something.


Second period:

So this one started out with a lot of black screen, but it was a lot more fun… because things happened! Also, most of these things were good for the Stars.

But first it was like… “Jordie misses by a whisker!” Ughhh…

Then… Klingberg got hit and then Sharp and Jamie Benn pile in and there is fight-yness. Or basically, just a tight knot of angry dudes shoving each other.  Sharp and some other guy gets sent to the box and it’s 4-on-4, which I’m like… this is MUCH better for the Stars, because… that’s one fewer boring, slow dude in the way.

Klingberg, again, decides to do something TOO SEXY and when the game comes back, we’re on the power play. 4-on-3.  This is VERY GOOD for the Stars.  Except not.  Seguin makes a shot that doesn’t get high enough to pass Dubnyk and so no goals scored on the power play. Boo. “If you do not elevate, you will not accumulate,” says Razor. *sigh* Well, at least we’re getting to the net this time around.  A little bit.  Sometimes.

The first goal of the game came from Jordie Benn!  Apparently, it’s also his first this season! Yaaaaay! :D:D:D:D I felt a little sorry for Jordie, whose luck, I understand is THE WORST sometimes, because they thought it might have been deflected in off one of the defensemen’s skates and were surprised that it went in cleanly. I guess he knows how to play hockey or something. Anyway, GOOD ON YOU JORDIE. THANK YOU FOR CUTTING THAT LEAD IN HALF. I feel MUCH less nervous!


SOMEONE SHOT AT US (Granlund… I think) and Niemi makes a pretty awesome save!

Klingberg, TOO HOT!  Seriously, stop it. This is a family sporting event!

Spurgeon trips Jamie Benn and we get another power play.  Goligoski passes to Eaves and this time on the power play, WE SCORE!!! I thought it was Eaves, but apparently, it was actually Fiddler. Who cares? WE’RE TIED! Safe to breathe now.

Then, with less than a minute left in the second, Seguin scores, finally pulling us ahead of the Wild (where we obviously belong)!  



Third period:

Okay, this period is a little dicey. It started off with a goal from Roussel! Something about how if Oduya had scored on a shot he made from the blue line, it would have been all beard-y dudes scoring, because Jordie and also there’s “a thick and tantalizing beard on Eaves”. Oduya didn’t score, but I felt it was worth mentioning anyway, since this is a blog where that kind of observation is decidedly welcome.

The Wild used their coach’s challenge to dispute Roussel’s goal saying it was offsides before the goal. It wasn’t. Like, I barely understand what offsides is in hockey and I could tell this was a bullshit challenge to waste time.  Result… his goal was good. Obviously. STARS HAVE A TWO GOAL LEAD! AHHHHH!!!

-sultry little pass-

“The Stars forward lines are like Play-Doh, formed and re-formed.” – Razor

About Roussel, “He’s very much the rose for these Dallas Stars, but there’s a lot of thorn before you get to the petals.” – Razor

Coyle passes to Niederriderererer? from behind the net and he scores.

About this time, Klingbae must have decided to go for the hockey equivalent of a long, slow striptease because the feed was out for almost the entire rest of the period. (I kind of imagine that he’s doing it to this song)


Eakin got an empty netter!

-sultry little pass-

Dubnyk back in.

-sultry little pass-

Wild almost get a goal? Maybe?


-sultry little pass-

They show a Kari on the bench all happy and smiling and adorable. ❤

They show Antti getting goalie head pats from his team and being adorable. ❤

I don’t have to suffer through OT and live to write another recap. ❤

That’s all! Happy holidays, everyone! <333


11.12.15 Stars vs Jets (Roomie Writes A Recap)

Before you read this recap, you should probably know that I only watched the final period of this game.  I heard Carolyn yelling about the rest, though, so it’s fine.  Also, there won’t be any graphs, but if you stick with me, there may be (okay, definitely will be) a gif of Rogelio De La Vega dancing. [Editor’s Note: We are halfway through the first season of Jane the Virgin, which is a delight.]

First off, I’d like to say Carolyn was very nervous about this game (probably for legitimate hockey reasons – something about Western Division rivalry… whatever), but I told her that it was fine. We were going to win it because… I don’t know, let’s just say TEAM SPIRIT!!!  I predicted Stars 25 – Jets 3.  This may have been slightly off, but I still got to say ‘I told you so’.  

Anyway, here’s how it (probably) all went down. After assuring Carolyn that all would be well, I left to do something else, so these are mostly guesses.  It sounded pretty exciting at first and it wasn’t very long until KLINGBERG DID A THING!!!  Scored a goal, probably, but I had to wait for Razor’s commentary to confirm because Carolyn was just yelling his name and “THAT JUST HAPPENED!”  Turns out he did score after all, so I was feeling pretty good about my game predictions.  

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Guest Post: Texas Sled Hockey Bringing Dreams of New League to Life

Contributed by Taylor Lipsett/@usasledsniper7 – check out our guest contributors page for beard and bio.

SWAA poster

This coming weekend, the Dallas Stars Sled Hockey Team is hosting a a big charity game to help them raise funds to participate in the brand new Texas Sled Hockey League composed of teams from Dallas, Austin, and Houston. Not only will you get to see some of the nation’s best sled hockey players in action, but Tyler Seguin and Jordie Benn, as well as Dallas Stars Alumni President Bob Bassen will be there, showing off their sled hockey “skills”. 

The Dallas program provides the opportunity to play sled hockey to local disabled kids, adults, and veterans, totally free of charge. The program raises funds to pay for all of the necessary equipment, ice time, and as much of the travel expenses as they can for their players to travel and compete. Ice time for practices run the team $1,200 a month and the projected cost to host a “league weekend,” where each team will travel to play each other in one of the cities, is around $2,500, which for a brand new league like ours, is a ton of money

But what is Sled Hockey? Why should you care about sled hockey in this great state?

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Guest Post: Can You Play? The NHL and Marketing to the LGBT Community

Contributed by Jennifer Rhorer/@jrho_jrho – check out our guest contributors page for beard and bio.

When Carolyn and Merrin sent out the call for guest contributors, I knew that I wanted to write something, but I couldn’t settle on what. After reading Carolyn’s series on how the NHL fails at marketing, I decided to look into just how LGBTQIA-friendly each NHL team is. Marketing to the LGBTQIA community is a focused, concrete thing that these organizations should be able to do.

The good new is, every team has had at least one player do a You Can Play video. Though as far as I can tell, no NHL player has done one since Landeskog completed the set in January 2014. It’s like everyone decided they checked off that box, so no one needs to bother again. Update: Andrew Ference and Ben Scrivens have since done YCP videos with the University of Alberta.

Every team publicly apologizes for/condemns players who have said something homophobic/biphobic/transphobic in public. (Hello, bare minimum of human decency!) But what do teams do to indicate they are actually, publicly welcoming of LGBTQIA fans (and our money) and potential future players?

To examine this, I set up a series of items that I consider demonstrate a LGBTQIA-friendly atmosphere and checked each team’s records on them. The items include LGBTQIA theme nights at arenas, participation in Pride parades, activity with LGBTQIA charities, and how the team structures their players’ family and partner organizations (typically known as WAGs, for “Wives and Girlfriends”). Here’s what I found.

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Guest Post: The Panthers, ESPN Deportes, and Bridging A Cultural Gap

Contributed by Sara Garcia/@Sara_LNR – check out our guest contributors page for bio.

As someone who is of Mexican-American descent (first-born in the US on my father’s side), I often feel that my own ethnic background is overlooked. I’m no longer someone who is considered Latina, instead, I’m considered white. I’m scoffed at and told things like, “there’s no ice in Mexico,” as if the fact that being mixed race AND a hockey fan could ever coexist. It’s discouraging. I want to enjoy hockey as much as the next person, but small mindedness isn’t helping. The Panthers introducing Arley Londoño as a regularly-scheduled Latinx voice helps me feel more secure in identifying as a fan who comes from a Latinx background.

French broadcasts seem like second nature to fans of the Montreal Canadiens. There’s even a whole channel dedicated to broadcasting for French-speakers (TVA, for those who are interested). A Punjabi broadcast of Hockey Night in Canada is readily available in Canada. So, it would only make sense for the NHL to make a Spanish-language broadcast available to residents of the US and/or Canada, right? Spanish is only the second-most spoken language behind English in the US, why should it matter?

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Guest Post: An Open Letter to NBC Chairman, Mark Lazarus (Us?? Hold A Grudge??)

Contributed by Disgruntled Hopeful/@LeafsLostSoul – check out our guest contributors page for beard and bio.

Dearest Mark and the Funky Bunch over at NBC,

Though I have never played hockey at the NHL level, or any sport for that matter, I still grow a playoff beard. Admittedly the last two playoff beards I grew were in 2013 and before that 2004, (YES I am a fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs).  Call it a superstition or a tradition, but the playoff beard is something I treasure like the memory of connecting to a BBS for the first time, listening to my old Modem beep bopping away, anticipating play my first day on L.O.R.D.

Back on June 9th, Mark Lazarus, NBC network’s chairman, told the Chicago Tribune many weird and wild things:

“The players won’t like this, but I wish they all would stop growing beards in the postseason,”

Ok Mark, I challenge you to knock on Brent Burns’ door and ask him to shave his beard. Better yet, call Jason Garrison and plead with him to be clean-shaven. Both men, like myself, treat their beards as artwork, requiring care and grooming 365 days a year, they would most likely give you the good ol’ BIRD. And I don’t mean a Blue Jay.

“Let’s get their faces out there. Let’s talk about how young and attractive they are. What model citizens they are. (Hockey players) truly are one of a kind among professional athletes”

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Guest Post: Dallas’ Underappreciated Stars or The Lover, The Brother, and the Saviour

Contributed by Sean Tierney / @SeanTierneyTSS – check out our guest contributors page for beard and bio

I’d like to start by thanking the Carolyn and Merrin for sharing their blog space. As a regular reader, it’s a pleasure to have something I’ve written mixed in with all the great work the Bearded Ladies do. I’ll leave the pleasantries at that – short and sweet.

The Dallas Stars have hijacked the offseason news cycle.

Tyler Seguin posed for his now-infamous Zamboni photo. Jamie Benn’s love life commentary drew myriad puns on social media. The Stars inked over-qualified backup goaltender Antti Niemi. The team swooped in to capitalize on the Blackhawks’ cap squeeze, snagging Patrick Sharp in trade and signing defenseman Johnny Oduya away from the reigning champs.


But all of these events are well-known. Carolyn and Merrin cover all your Stars needs while Twitter, ESPN, and TSN do a great job providing everything from hot takes to Scott Cullen’s industry-leading analysis.

Instead, I intend to walk through some analytics to help uncover the Stars that haven’t shone brightly this summer. As Dallas looks forward to advancing its re-worked roster through the playoffs next season, it could be the play of several lesser-known skaters that helps provide the push the team needs.

While everyone is comfortable with celebrating the likes of Art Ross champion Benn and Zamboni-enthusiast Seguin, the secret power of the Dallas Stars is in the team’s underrated group of secondary players. Skaters like Jason Demers, Jordie Benn, and Colton Sceviour don’t grab the Dallas headlines, sure, but this trio of underrated contributors will be vital to powering the Stars to the postseason in 2015-16.

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