1.29.19 Mailbag

Per our usual schedule, we posted the latest podcast Monday morning. And per the Stars’ usual schedule, they made a trade just hours later. But not just any trade. They sent a 4th round pick (2019) to Pittsburgh for… get this… Jamie Oleksiak. Yes, that Jamie Oleksiak. (And also this Jamie Oleksiak.)

Many of you called for a second podcast, but unfortunately our schedules just don’t align with the workings of the hockey world right now. However, we do have time to answer some of your questions, textually. Just you know, read the answers in our voices or something. It’ll be like a podcast in your head.

So let’s start with the most obvious question.


Lynne asks: Are you guys okay?

C: No, thank you for asking. I’ve been getting shitty sleep, and apparently clenching my jaw, which makes my whole face hurt. Oh, and also my hockey team traded for a guy they traded away last year, because….. A reason?

M: Idk, I’m fine. Like. If there’s anything the last few years have taught me it’s compartmentalization. That’s not healthy, you say? I will tell you that it’s the only way I get through my day. Jamie Oleksiak being in victory green again is shoved behind a door in my brain. Inside that door, I’m screaming. But out here? I’m fine. I’m so fine. I’m the finest. Fiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

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Jamie Oleksiak Stands Next to Normal Sized Folks

It may have come to your attention that Jamie Oleksiak is almost freakishly tall. When I say almost freakishly tall, I mean he is slightly shorter than Zdeno Chara, but still taller than every single other player on the Stars. The official roster lists him at 6’7″ (and we know the roster is never wrong).

The Bearded Ladies love us some Big Rig (how could you not, that is literally the best nickname), so enjoy some pictures of Jamie O. standing next to other people. Think not of the last terrible game, worry not about the next game. Drink some eggnog, hug a loved one, pet a dog, open a present or two, eat some delicious food, and look at these hilarious pics.

It all started with a boy and his draft photo.


No word on how tall or short these gentleman may be, but Oleksiak could comfortably tuck either one of them under his chin.


Actually, before that it all started with a boy and the combine. This lady comes up to his arm pit. That’s it. Just his arm pit.


We’re going to ignore the hat and the lack of eyebrows and instead look at his enormous mitt on this lady’s shoulder.

This woman says she’s 5′ and I don’t disbelieve her.

But this woman says she’s 5’2″ so someone might have done some math wrong.

According to legend, Oleksiak’s pretty shy. It might be that no one can hear him from way up there.

No idea how tall these ladies are, but they’re clearly very excited.


This is a still taken from a video where Jamie shops at Whole Foods. I mean, he does other things as well. If you are so inclined, here’s a link. Either way, that lady behind him probably reaches his navel.


This guy couldn’t find a box to stand on or what.

 so tall

Or this guy, what the hell.


He even makes other hockey players look short.

Jamie Oleksiak, Cody McLeod

That’s Cody McLeod of the Colorado Avalanche. The roster says he’s 6’2″ but he sure doesn’t look it.


Head and shoulders above the hockey hug.

Vancouver Canucks v Dallas Stars

Every hockey hug. All of them.

* These pictures were all found via google/instagram searches. If you are in any of these photos and don’t want them on this blog post, please let us know. You can email us at BeardiestLadies@gmail.com.

I hope you’ve had almost as much fun looking at these pics as I did finding them on google. Enjoy your three day respite from this heart wrenching game. (On the one hand, there’s no NHL hockey so you’ll probably end up with Hallmark Christmas specials. On the other, at least the Stars can’t break your heart on Christmas! If they’re airing it in your area, try to check out the World Juniors tournament.) From both the Bearded Ladies to you and yours, a safe and happy holiday season!