5.6.16 SC Playoff Game Recap (I WAS IN MY KITCHEN)

There was nowhere else for me to talk about this, so I’m talking about it here. At 13:06 in the second period of the game last night, I was banished to my kitchen by the internet. I went and I stayed and WE WON so who’s laughing now!?

Why at 13:06? Well, I feel like we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves friends, so let’s go back.

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12.4.15 Stars vs Oilers Game Recap (Travis . . . Mo . . Moen? You Said?)

If you’d told me that the only emotion I’d feel watching the Oilers play the Stars was an overwhelming urge to take a nap, well. I probably wouldn’t have believed you. I don’t nap at 8:30 on Friday nights. (I’m lying, I totally would. I would nap any time. I live the life of the perpetually sleep deprived.)

But like. Seriously y’all. Some baffling choices made going into this game. Eaves out, Moen in. (Moen? Do we have someone on the roster named Moen?)

Oleksiak and Nemeth in, even though their read on the ice remained . . . kinda shaky last game. We need at least one of them in for Jason Demers, but Jokipakka stayed in the press box again and I’m not entirely sure he deserved that. Although if this is just Jim Nill showcasing Oleksiak and/or Nemeth for trade bait, I’ll take it.

And that’s it. Those were the weird roster decisions. Lines looked the same as the blender setting from last game, with the aforementioned exception of the Moen/Eaves switch. Which actually meant that Hemsky moved up to the second line, so lines were not actually the same. So many names already in this recap.Read More »

10.27.15 Mailbag! (The One With the Beard-Off)

Last week, we got so many excellent questions for our podcast we couldn’t get to all of them. So of course, we love our readers and didn’t want them to go unanswered, so it’s time for another edition of your favorite segment: THE 2BL MAILBAG!

Anon Asked:

Which hockey players would be the Fellowship of the Ring? Doesn’t have to be just Stars players 🙂

M: Jagr would be Gandalf. He has the right mix of old and still pretty sassy. Connor McDavid is probably Frodo, making Dylan Strome the faithful Samwise. Connor McDavid: “I will take it (the weight of expectation in Edmonton, also their dying hopes of ever getting past the middle in the standings)! Though I do not know the way.”

Merry and Pippin are Tyler and Jamie. Fun-loving goobers who don’t know what they’re getting into until they’re into it. Legolas is Erik Karlsson, the Owl King. (Have you heard the story of him stopping by the side of the road to observe an owl?) (That’s it, that’s the story. Some lucky fan’s mom snapped a pic.)

I know he isn’t bearded, but Andrew Shaw seems like Gimli to me. Short, angry, chip on his shoulder, willing to take on foes in battle that are twice his size, pretty good at winning those battles.

This just leaves Aragorn, once and future king, and Boromir, done in by his desire to keep his people safe. Please understand, when I write my choices, that I thought of these and started laughing uncontrollably in real life. Like, to tears. I’m so happy I’m here to amuse myself. Aragorn is Sidney Crosby and Claude Giroux is Boromir.

C: What she said.

M: NINE COMPANIONS. THEY SHALL BE CALLED, THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE STANLEY CUP.

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To Boldly Go Where No Prediction Post Has Gone Before

HOCKEY IS BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK. Like many slightly more legit hockey news sources, the Ladies have some bold predictions for the coming season.

Jack Eichel and Connor McDavid run away together.

Two teams, both alike in dignity,
In fair North America where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new rivalry,
Where dirty dangles make pretty goals unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two bros,
A pair of starcross’d frenemies take their flight;
Whose media-frenzied adversarial overthrows,
Do with their escape bury their countries’ strife.
The contentious passage of their competitive narrative,
And the continuance of their coaches’ rage,
Which but their generational talents’ flight nought could remove,
Is now the 82 game traffic of our stage;
The which if you with patient ears attend,
what here shall miss our predictions shall strive to mend.Read More »

Let Me Tell You About My Aesthetic – Defense and Goaltenders

Said one fan girl to another fan girl, “Man, I love his puck possession AND his face.” (Spoilers, that fan girl was me.) (I might have been talking about Jamie Benn.)

Said the other fan girl back to me, “I frickin’ know, right!?” (That fan girl was my friend Steph.) (She was talking about Curtis McKenzie.)

And then CAROLYN burst in and yelled, “BUT WHAT ABOUT JORDIE BENN.” 

Well Carolyn, I’m so glad you asked.

We’ve looked at our bottom six forwards, and we started the series off with our top six forwards. Today, we’re looking at our defense and goalies.Read More »

Let Me Tell You About My Aesthetic – Bottom Six Forwards

Said one fan girl to another fan girl, “Man, I love his puck possession AND his face.” (Spoilers, that fan girl was me.) (I might have been talking about Jamie Benn.)

Said the other fan girl back to me, “I frickin’ know, right!?” (That fan girl was my friend Steph.) (She was talking about Curtis McKenzie.)*

Last week I introduced you to 2BL’s metric for measuring the hotness aesthetic of hockey players and took a look at how the Stars’ top six forwards measured up. (Top six here, since there was some confusion on twitter, does not mean in looks. I’m talking about roster position. Clearly Patrick Eaves would be top 4 in a hotness roster, y’all.)Read More »

Let Me Tell You About My Aesthetic – Top Six Forwards

Said one fan girl to another fan girl, “Man, I love his puck possession AND his face.” (Spoilers, that fan girl was me.) (I might have been talking about Jamie Benn.)

As the “I’m in this for the fun and the jokes and the occasional rant” side of 2BL, when the subject of graphing the attractiveness of our players came up (we might have been drinking but honestly probably not) I jumped all over the chance to bust out my colored pens. Fake graphs about hot men? I’M ALL OVER THIS LIKE . . . SOMETHING ON SOMETHING ELSE.

Then I sat down to look at exactly how to frame this, and ended up assigning metrics anyway. Hey! Actual stats ftw! (Subjective stats in categories I’ve only recently made up, I’m like an actual statistician now.) Read More »