12.21.15 Stars v Wild Game Recap (Klingberg Gone Wild)

Okay, folks! Roomie here with your Stars vs Wild game recap.

I have this theory that I got stuck doing the recap for this game not because Merrin and Carolyn were both busy being on vacations and doing holiday-type festivities and stuff, but because it’s on that channel that is always shitty and blacks out frequently during games so you are constantly in the kind of suspense that leaves you just this side of having an actual heart attack.

Because that happened. A LOT.  Like, I can save you a lot of reading by telling you the third period was mostly like ?????????????? OH HEY, WE WON! But I guess you’re reading because you actually want to know what happened or something.

I mean, so do I.  But as with my previous recap, I’ll fill you in on what I can.

Random other things you should know about: Apparently, Demers’ mom made some homemade chocolate turtles that were excellent.  Razor mentioned this FREQUENTLY during the game. I want to be her friend.

Also, one of the guys (Sevvy, I think?) said he wanted to see Klingberg making some of those “sultry little passes” during this game…whatever that means (re: hockey). I choose to assume he made quite a lot of them and my tv was blacking out keep them censored. Klingberg’s passes, just too hot for TV. Tough luck if you were hoping to ACTUALLY see them, Sevvy.


Anyway, first period:

Ugh… this was another one of those not good for the Stars type starts.

Some Wild guy called Spurgeon, who is (not a fish and) according to Razor quite tall and “a very elfin 170 or so”, scored the first goal less than 5 minutes in.  Then, Charlie Coyle knocked Jamie Benn over and also scored and we were down 0-2 in less than ten minutes. Ruff was like… “Yeah… let’s not.” And put Antti in, which is great! ‘Cuz I love him and also  he stopped all but one of the subsequent shots the Wild made in the game.

Razor speculated that this may have been due to the “reverse jersey night” confusing Kari, our formidable road goalie, into thinking this was actually a home game.  I mean… maybe?

Hemsky tried to do things… twice. Dubnyk was not having it.

Porter smashed Demers into a wall trying to race for the puck, because of maybe this should have been an icing call or something? I don’t know what this hybrid icing thing is, or why it’s different from regular icing, but apparently it should have been called, so Demers didn’t get broken.  But they smashed into the boards and he did 😦 He left the ice without putting any weight on his left leg.

And then… oh nevermind, Klingberg must have made a sultry little pass.

But after commercial, Demers came out and did a twirl, which apparently means to test if he is still too broken to play hockey.  He wasn’t. YAY!!!

So, in my notes… I forgot to make a note about when the first period ends, but I think that was it.  It was kind of boring, honestly.  Even though two goals were scored and they swapped goalies, like the Wild are SO BORING. They are sooo slow and we still really couldn’t get past them, and I feel like we should have because we are fast and awesome. But mostly it looked like them kinda just floating around out there and us scrambling around, which is not how it actually was, but if I wasn’t trying to pay attention so I could write this recap, I’d have wandered off to read a book or something.


Second period:

So this one started out with a lot of black screen, but it was a lot more fun… because things happened! Also, most of these things were good for the Stars.

But first it was like… “Jordie misses by a whisker!” Ughhh…

Then… Klingberg got hit and then Sharp and Jamie Benn pile in and there is fight-yness. Or basically, just a tight knot of angry dudes shoving each other.  Sharp and some other guy gets sent to the box and it’s 4-on-4, which I’m like… this is MUCH better for the Stars, because… that’s one fewer boring, slow dude in the way.

Klingberg, again, decides to do something TOO SEXY and when the game comes back, we’re on the power play. 4-on-3.  This is VERY GOOD for the Stars.  Except not.  Seguin makes a shot that doesn’t get high enough to pass Dubnyk and so no goals scored on the power play. Boo. “If you do not elevate, you will not accumulate,” says Razor. *sigh* Well, at least we’re getting to the net this time around.  A little bit.  Sometimes.

The first goal of the game came from Jordie Benn!  Apparently, it’s also his first this season! Yaaaaay! :D:D:D:D I felt a little sorry for Jordie, whose luck, I understand is THE WORST sometimes, because they thought it might have been deflected in off one of the defensemen’s skates and were surprised that it went in cleanly. I guess he knows how to play hockey or something. Anyway, GOOD ON YOU JORDIE. THANK YOU FOR CUTTING THAT LEAD IN HALF. I feel MUCH less nervous!


SOMEONE SHOT AT US (Granlund… I think) and Niemi makes a pretty awesome save!

Klingberg, TOO HOT!  Seriously, stop it. This is a family sporting event!

Spurgeon trips Jamie Benn and we get another power play.  Goligoski passes to Eaves and this time on the power play, WE SCORE!!! I thought it was Eaves, but apparently, it was actually Fiddler. Who cares? WE’RE TIED! Safe to breathe now.

Then, with less than a minute left in the second, Seguin scores, finally pulling us ahead of the Wild (where we obviously belong)!  



Third period:

Okay, this period is a little dicey. It started off with a goal from Roussel! Something about how if Oduya had scored on a shot he made from the blue line, it would have been all beard-y dudes scoring, because Jordie and also there’s “a thick and tantalizing beard on Eaves”. Oduya didn’t score, but I felt it was worth mentioning anyway, since this is a blog where that kind of observation is decidedly welcome.

The Wild used their coach’s challenge to dispute Roussel’s goal saying it was offsides before the goal. It wasn’t. Like, I barely understand what offsides is in hockey and I could tell this was a bullshit challenge to waste time.  Result… his goal was good. Obviously. STARS HAVE A TWO GOAL LEAD! AHHHHH!!!

-sultry little pass-

“The Stars forward lines are like Play-Doh, formed and re-formed.” – Razor

About Roussel, “He’s very much the rose for these Dallas Stars, but there’s a lot of thorn before you get to the petals.” – Razor

Coyle passes to Niederriderererer? from behind the net and he scores.

About this time, Klingbae must have decided to go for the hockey equivalent of a long, slow striptease because the feed was out for almost the entire rest of the period. (I kind of imagine that he’s doing it to this song)


Eakin got an empty netter!

-sultry little pass-

Dubnyk back in.

-sultry little pass-

Wild almost get a goal? Maybe?


-sultry little pass-

They show a Kari on the bench all happy and smiling and adorable. ❤

They show Antti getting goalie head pats from his team and being adorable. ❤

I don’t have to suffer through OT and live to write another recap. ❤

That’s all! Happy holidays, everyone! <333


11.12.15 Stars vs Jets (Roomie Writes A Recap)

Before you read this recap, you should probably know that I only watched the final period of this game.  I heard Carolyn yelling about the rest, though, so it’s fine.  Also, there won’t be any graphs, but if you stick with me, there may be (okay, definitely will be) a gif of Rogelio De La Vega dancing. [Editor’s Note: We are halfway through the first season of Jane the Virgin, which is a delight.]

First off, I’d like to say Carolyn was very nervous about this game (probably for legitimate hockey reasons – something about Western Division rivalry… whatever), but I told her that it was fine. We were going to win it because… I don’t know, let’s just say TEAM SPIRIT!!!  I predicted Stars 25 – Jets 3.  This may have been slightly off, but I still got to say ‘I told you so’.  

Anyway, here’s how it (probably) all went down. After assuring Carolyn that all would be well, I left to do something else, so these are mostly guesses.  It sounded pretty exciting at first and it wasn’t very long until KLINGBERG DID A THING!!!  Scored a goal, probably, but I had to wait for Razor’s commentary to confirm because Carolyn was just yelling his name and “THAT JUST HAPPENED!”  Turns out he did score after all, so I was feeling pretty good about my game predictions.  

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